21 Weeks: Happy Mother's day and my first lesson in parenting

Yes, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm one of "those" people who plans on posting a picture every week for the next 4 months.  Since we've recently moved away from all our family and friends I especially want them to be a part of our journey.

Look at that belly!  I'm quite proud of it, although it is still on the small end.  

By far the best part of this last week was getting my mother's day present from Brett.  He got me a pregnancy body pillow and it is heavenly!  The thing is huge and it takes up lots of space on the bed, but I've been sleeping better the last few nights so it is worth it.  I know that it will only increase in value as my belly gets bigger and I become increasingly uncomfortable.  The baby is also becoming more active everyday.  I often feel the little kicks and flips throughout the day while driving, sitting, and laying down.  What a wonderful feeling!

And now for the biggest struggle of the last week.  I think I learned my first parenting lesson: I can not always be in control and I shouldn't take things personally when things are out of my control.  Although our little one isn't using their agency yet, I'm sure as they learn and grow I will be reminded of this lesson again and again.  Let me explain.  

You may remember that I mentioned having a doctor's appointment scheduled for Friday.  Friday morning right before I left the house I got a call from the doctor's office.  The nice front desk lady began by apologizing because she knows what a hassle we've had getting into the see the Dr.  My heart sank as she went on to explain the situation that included some issue with another doctor which caused my doctor to be behind schedule and then an added emergency c-section all in one morning.  Long story short, the office is only open for half a day on Friday and they had to cancel all the clinic appointments.  I maintained composure, rescheduled for Wednesday and hung up the phone.  It was then that my emotions got the best of me. I was so upset and frustrated and disappointed and .... embarrassed.    I could easily understand why I was upset and disappointed and frustrated.  After all, I want to see the baby and hear the heart beat and know things are going well.  Those are righteous desires.  I'm also anxious to know the gender so I can move forward with the "planning process."  Also understandable.  What confused me was why I felt so embarrassed.  As I thought about it I realized that I felt like people would/are judging me because we don't know the gender yet and because things have been difficult with transferring to the new doctor.  And maybe you do think that somehow I am lesser of a mother because of these things, but I don't care.  Actually, I do care... but I'm trying not to care.  I realize now that the issues at the doctor's office have been out of my control.  I did everything I could from researching a good doctor with good reviews to being proactive about helping it go as smoothly as possible.  And you know what, it still didn't work our perfectly.  But that is part of life and it is not a reflection on me.  As I said, I'm sure I'll be reminded this lesson again and again but once I processed through the experience this time I felt so much better.  I've been praying for strength to overcome my insecurities and to feel closer to the baby even though we don't know much about it right now.  And its been working, and that is a blessing!  Of course I'll keep you all posted and hopefully soon we'll know something about the little one growing inside of me.

Anyway, on this Mothers Day I am reminded that parenting is not an exact science and no one is perfect but I am so grateful for the wonderful examples of mothering that I have had in my life.  Especially my own mother and my mother in law!  I am also so excited for the chance that I have to be a mother and feel so blessed and I am just trying to remember those blessings despite any trials that are sent my way.