My Monday Night Schedule:
7:00- get home from work
7:05- sign into facebook chat so I can chat with Brett while he works
7:15- eat leftovers for dinner
7:30- 10:00- entertain myself on the computer by reading blogs, listening to NPR, listening to Pandora, and occasionally getting messages from Brett via facebook
10:00- realize its bedtime but avoid going to bed alone
10:30- follow Brett's direction that I need to sleep
10:35- lay awake in bed wondering how I ever slept alone
11:15- fall asleep
12:15- get waken up by Brett and try to carry on a conversation in my dazed state
12:30- fall back asleep
Yes, that is my Monday night schedule for the next few months. Kinda pathetic, I know. After a long day of work there is not much that I want to do aside from relax. And after Brett had a long day around the house there is not much left to be done. (He works the 4-midnight shift answering phone calls and chats from LDS.org at the MTC, so he has all morning/afternoon and is much better than I at staying productive.)
Sure I could work on one of my "to-do" crafts-- but that would require organizing my craft supplies that became SUPER unorganized after my last craft splurge. Or I could complete one of my "to-do" chores around the house (like organizing my craft supplies)-- but that would require being away from the computer which is my best connection to the husband I won't see all day. Or I could call up a friend or family member and catch up- but lets be honest, for some reason I don't really like talking on the phone. And so here I sit. All alone but avoiding anything productive.
Its almost like I don't know how to be alone any more. How did I do it when I was single? I find it so hard to motivate myself when I know Brett will be at work for a long period of time. It doesn't help that I know he will pick up any of my slack.
I realize it is different, but am I different too?
When I was single.... I lived with 5 other girls, spent late hours in the library, had an endless to-do of homework that I could not ignore, and had a boyfriend/fiance that I spent any other spare minute with. I simply had less time to waste and as such had to be more productive with the time I did have.
Now that I'm married.... I live with one boy (who happens to be the love of my life), try my hardest to be home from work by 8:00 if not earlier, try to leave my work at the office and have no "home-work" (although I am all call every night this week and have to keep my phone on me all night), and I have a husband who I'm lucky to get any free time with due to conflicting schedules. Sure, work takes a lot of my time and certainly a lot of my energy, but I don't have the same kind of obligations and I used too.
Have I changed?....I hope that my overall laziness on Monday evenings isn't due to a change in my personality. I hope that I haven't become too reliant on Brett to pick up my slack. And I hope that he knows that I appreciate all his hard work for our little family. Most days I don't feel like I am avoiding important things. I simply feel like I have done everything I needed to do for the day.
DISCLAIMER #1: Now don't get me wrong, I do NOT need more to do. I feel adequately stressed with everything that is currently on my plate. And some days I day dream about when I was single because looking back, things seems a lot more simple (although I'm sure I would not admit it at the time).
DISCLAIMER #2: I don't want it to sound like I wish my life was back the way it used to be when I was single. I would not change my life for anything. Sure I'll day dream for a few minutes to escape reality, but never wish it to change. Because, yes, sometimes I get cranky when I come home to an empty house. Yes, sometimes I miss having 5 other females/friends as roommates. Yes, sometimes I miss the excitement of dating Brett. And yes sometimes I even miss the familiar routine of college classes and homework. But I repeat, I would not change it for anything. Because I know that after a long day, week, month I will always have the love of my life there waiting for me.
Well, its officially 10:15 and I just got the first "aren't you supposed to be in bed" message from Brett. I guess its time for me to start trying to convince myself to go to bed.
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2 comments:
I hate being alone all day, although it helps that Kylie is here its not the same as Robert. I never can go to bed either if Robert is gone. Its like I'm so use to having him there that when he is gone my body wont sleep. Mondays are just ugly days already. Hope the rest of the week is better
I love the way you write. Don't be too hard on yourself. As you progress in married life you will both take turns in the picking up the slack department. It's okay now and it will be okay then. Isn't it wonderful to be in love with life?
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